Day 016: What I know or feel
Summary: Tuan thinks out loud to his 'mother'.
Date: 27/5/16
Related: None
Tuan 


Day 16 — The Forests outside of Coesbur


"I know it was selfish. But I was six. Although six or sixteen it was always selfish I guess because I kept you for myself."

Tuan sits underneath a tree in the forests around Coesbur, the nearby sound of running water from the stream the only response to his self reflection. In his hands turn the piece of silverwork that had belonged to his mother, something he had 'hidden' from her only to grab later after her death.

"Matthieu never understood me, Father never understood me, but you did. And I really need help now Mother. I'm confused." Tuan sighs softly and closes his eyes, resting his head against the tree behind him as he speaks through his thoughts. "Every time in my life some group shows up, someone not of our clan, they bring with them war. The raiders that killed you, father, and sister. The Azgeda that took Matthieu."

Tuan falls silent once more, letting that pass over him. "This new clan, this Skaikru that came have killed some of ours in battle. Almost killed me in accident with disease. I do not see how they are not invaders. Everything up here tells me they are invaders." He holds the totem to his head, indicating his mind as the source of this. Again he is quiet.

"In here I feel otherwise." The totem falls to rest over his heart. "You always called me your heart, Mother. But I know not if I should follow what I know, or what I feel. Why can they not be the same thing?"

"Give me a sign? Something to let me know my path?" The words have a pleading tone to them before Tuan sits in patient anticipation. The minutes pass into long hours. As the sun reaches the apex of the sky, the grounder man pushes himself up from the tree and retrieves the basket from nearby. "It is time for lunch and I'm sure sister forgot again. I know you… cannot really help me. That you are not with me in this way. But thank you."

In the distance, a bird chirps almost as if in response before Tuan turns and walks back to the village, and the orchard where he intends to bring his sister lunch…

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