Day 036: Dear Morgan 1
Summary: The Doc said Cameron should write a journal. So he did.
Date: 3/7/2016
Related: none

Day 036: Visitor Residences

Dear Morgan,

This place is surreal.

We thought we would be the only people on this planet, everything we thought we knew told us this. But then we met the Grounders. You an I, we didn't see eye to eye entirely, but we agreed enough (and I loved you too much to ever let that matter) that learning from the natives was essential to our survival. We tried peace. I tried to convince them. We acted in good faith.

I don't know how I feel about the war.

On the one hand, I understand their thing: Blood Must Have Blood. It isn't about being bloodthirsty, its about justice. Consequences. You don't kill people in the Grounder culture because if you do, there are consequences. How is that any different then any legal system? Under what system does murder not have dire consequences? In those places where you are wealthy and free enough to have jail, you put someone in jail for life, maybe. In others, you float them.

Of course only maniacs float people for stealing some reefer and giggling in a corner room. Or children for being born. How does any Arkbred citizen look at the Grounders and call them barbarians or savages when we float children for being born?

Except then they attacked us and I killed them. I don't feel anything about that. I don't feel anything at all. They attacked us. I had a gun. I fired. I had a sword. I stabbed. They attacked us. In doing so they became not something to pity or understand but something to end.

Survival, Morgan. Preservation and Survival. This is why the Ark exists, and this is what I love about our people. Its what we're about. I hate a lot of who we are, but those two things, I love them. Preservation and Survival.

I will do anything it takes to find you again. I know you're out there. I know you are. I miss your arms around me, I miss your voice saying my name, I miss your lips upon my neck, the taste of your mouth, the way you— and you alone— can hold me down and I'm not afraid.

But this place… its peaceful. I don't trust it. They want something of us. They do. They have to. No one is kind to someone else like this, no one just shares resources. Resources are finite and must be used to preserve its people. I don't mind that they want something of us, what I mind is them not telling me what.

Is it our sciences? So be it. I don't mind trading this. Is it our manpower? Very well. Is it our genetics? This is my theory. The genetic legacy of the first astronauts, their genetic engineering: I think it might be why we can survive on the ground but they need suits. The Grounders, obviously, evolved a resistance over generations of dying, but the Mountain Men? They were isolated.

We spent that century engineered to be exposed to a different kind of radiation and environment, but maybe its enough to let us survive. And if that's what they want, I don't mind it either. I just want them to come out and say it.

Because the more they don't say what they really want, the more suspicious I am about it. They say they're looking for our survivors. Obviously you survived, and the Ark, … Fuck me, Morgan, the Ark came down. I don't even know what led them to try that, but I know one thing: that wasn't a crash landing. We saw the exodus explosion. The Ark— Alpha? I don't know— would be an area-kill event. It wasn't. That might have been rough but it was a controlled descent.

That means our people are out there, too. Find them. I hope you find them and are safe and then you come look for me, damnit you come look for me, because as soon as I can figure it out I'm coming to look for you. I know you will. As you know I will.

They say they're looking for survivors, their ground teams, and the Grounders are out there in force. After the war, I can't disbelieve them, but… There's only so long I'll accept sitting in this Eden-forsaken hole before I demand to be a part of it and look for myself.

But I don't care what they say, because all I care about is you. You're out there and you need me. If you find Dad, please take care of him. I know you will. And I know you're looking for me. I'll find a way to get out and find you too.

I'll never stop looking.


I love you.

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